I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
