Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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