i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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