I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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