I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
