So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
