You're completely useless in the revolution.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
