we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
