the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
