Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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