Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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