I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
nutella sex= disaster
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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