i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You are a genius and a whore.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
