If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She's the barista slut.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My liver just had a heart attack.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
