Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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