There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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