There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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