Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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