She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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