bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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