glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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