Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
she looked like the before picture.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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