i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
