Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
