I seem to have left my pride at pride
They should really pass out barf bags in church
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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