sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
