I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
