so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
