I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just puked most of my soul out..
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
