that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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