i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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