This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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