Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry Big_Dog_Matt hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(646): View more from New York

I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.

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(636): View more from Missouri

It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.

Fav 14 4720 1233
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(336): View more from North Carolina

Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye

Fav 25 3860 1328
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(802): View more from Vermont

Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.

Fav 6 1525 2830
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(574): View more from Indiana

A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.

Fav 6 3043 1221
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(416): View more from Toronto

Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.

Fav 10 3764 1056
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(860): View more from Connecticut

Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.

Fav 4 1468 1158
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(905): View more from Ontario

Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.

Fav 1 762 383
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(330): View more from Ohio

when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.

Fav 0 57 9
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