i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
