Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
