She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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