Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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