I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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