Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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