you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
