in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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