What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
