i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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