So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
