she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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