Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Just puked most of my soul out..
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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