Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
When are your genitals available?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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