no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
