that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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