So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
