my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
