don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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